keepin’ it real {pt 2} — this crazy, wild, beautiful mess

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Sometimes I think that one of these days, I’ll finally come to that stage when I get straight A’s, always look (and feel) put together, always smell nice, always say the right things things, am never lazy, don’t stress out about that other sock I can’t find, and always feel confident in who I am & what I look like, not ever caring how people think of me.
But …

Who am I kidding?!

I mean, really.

Rachel, not-scrambling-around-in-the-morning? Rachel, not-clumsy? Rachel, all of a sudden an academic genius?

No. Just … no.

No matter how hard I try, I could never be perfect. Not even close.

I have this thing where, for awhile, I’ll think, “Well, if only I read my Bible every day, God would love me more” or “Man, maybe if I actually tried to be more fashionable, or outgoing, or funny, or fitter, or smarter, or if I actually wore makeup, or just be … plain awesome …  people might like me more ” or “Maybe if I did more ‘good things’, God would be happier with me.”

I don’t know about you, but I have this tendency to put this un-realistic, un-attainable, un-reachable standard on myself, this person I *have* to be, before I grow up, before I get married, and right now, or else … well, I risk the thing I fear most. I’m paranoid that people will see me for who I really am — all my flaws, sin, and less-than-glamorous person — and will not like me, accept me, and … will reject me. There. I said it. I know it probably seems silly, (and, yeah, probably because it is), but it’s true. Oh, it’s so true.

 

“So you see, I’m kind of a mess.  A crazy, wild, weird sort of mess.  And I’ve learned to accept it and embrace it.  Because that mess is who I am.  I used to be so envious of girls who seemed like they had it altogether.  They had the perfect room – completely color schemed, with matching furniture, did well in their school, could afford everything they wanted, and a little more.  Had the perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect body shape.  But I realized that what may look like perfect on the outside is just my definition of it.
I know one thing for sure, though.  I know that my heart is in the right place because I know that God is my everything.  And no matter how imperfect I think I am, this is just the way He made me and I can embrace it with my whole soul because He loves the way He made me and He loves me just the way I am.  I will fulfill His calling on my life every day that I live.  I will use … my talents, my gifts, my craziness to tell others about Him.  I will be crazy for Jesus, cuz oh does He know I’m crazy in love with Him.  I will not let worldly, worthless things get in the way of my joy in Him or distract me from what God has placed in my heart.  I was born for so much more than that.  I was born for His purpose.  And what a comforting and fulfilling thought to know that through Christ, I can do all things.” ~ Raquel
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8 thoughts on “keepin’ it real {pt 2} — this crazy, wild, beautiful mess

  1. This was great, Rachel 🙂 I do understand where you are coming from when you were talking about the fear of people seeing who you REALLY are. I’ll be praying for the both of us when it comes to this and that we will find our identity and worth in Christ and Christ alone! 😀

    • Thank you so much! I will too 🙂 It’s so hard, sometimes, and I think especially for girls (I could be wrong). We want to find our worth in something or someone, and, so often, at least I find myself usually looking in the wrong place … but I pray God will help us to both see that we are valued in His sight, and that our worth is found in Him alone! ❤

      • Yes, I think it does happen way more with girls (At least it sure seems that way)! Girls just seem to be more aware of the ways we are tempted to fall into it, I think. 😛 Thanks for being open and sharing this! It’s been great for me to be thinking about this right now…:)

  2. Rachel, thank you so much for writing this. It’s really encouraging to read that I’m not the only one who feels like this! Love your blog by the way! Blessings~Rachel

your comments are a ray of sunshine:)

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