i talked to c.s. lewis the other day.

{made by checkers007}

{made by checkers007}

I walk inside a strange coffee shop and close my eyes. The smell of coffee and roses permeates my senses. I glance at black and white photos staring from the walls, and the afternoon sun peeks through the windows, casting a gold glow. I see women dressed in pea coats and dresses and men in starched white shirts and black pants, chatting and studying at their individual tables as if nothing is out of place.

And then I see him, walking up to me.

He smiles and introduces himself, shaking my hand, as if we had made plans to meet at this coffee shop at this certain time. I cannot hide my excitement. C.S. Lewis himself?

I order coffee and chocolate cake for the both of us. I sit down and Lewis tells me all about the wonders of true, homemade chocolate cake, and how it really never does compare to what you buy from a store.

We talk about everything under the sun. I remember him mentioning his thoughts on his book, Till We Have Faces. He gives me tips on writing, and rambles about classic books, theology, and life advice. And when he talks,  it’s so easy and effortless. He talks almost non-stop, but he’s the kind of person you want to listen to, to hang off his every word, to soak in everything he says lest you forget.

The funny thing is, while he’s talking, I notice something. The sun is so bright, and the coffee shop is filled with so many beautiful, vivid colors, but C.S. Lewis is black and white. He has no color. And I see in the corner of my eye people giving me weird expressions, as if they can’t see him. And I don’t think they can. He is real only to me.

I remember bringing my copy of Mere Christianity, flipping through worn, underlined pages, asking him questions on certain chapters, free will, eschatology, and he goes on and on about the best way to talk to a die-hard atheist about the problem of evil, and of God’s eternal love.

This goes on for hours. Everything he says is so … intelligent,  and so beautiful, and so full of truth, I want to live in those moments forever listening to his hearty laugh and seeing that playful twinkle in his eye.

And then I wake up from a beautiful dream.

Advertisements

have fun, will travel

DSCN9400

I will be leaving for a 6 day field trip!

I am armed with a C.S. Lewis book, my loyal camera, and a mighty cup of hot cocoa.

snacks:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Yes. I need LOTS of healthy(ish) snacks, because we won’t be making very many stops. Hmm … you think that’s enough to last me for a week? I sure hope so. We’ll see 🙂

In case you can’t see it very well, I have grapes, popcorn, homemade trail mix, homemade jerky, raw almonds, dried apple, banana chips, and granola bars.

By the way, have any of you guys ever tried the coffee almonds? Are they good?

music: I have the wonderful company of …

Norah Jones

Michael Buble

Sara Bareilles

OneRepublic

 

So here’s to you, kids! *clink*

say something, i’m giving up on you.

{credit to hummusbird blog}

{credit to hummusbird blog}

The strongest and yet most fragile creatures, we humans are. We proudly declare our independence, but destroy ourselves with our solitude.

Sometimes I think I’m too emotional. I feel too much. I love people recklessly, I’m too “needy”, and I shouldn’t rely on human companionship so much.

A close friend. A strong bond. You open your heart, you give them your love. And then they’re gone. They just … walk away.

And I have to wonder — Is there such thing as too much pain a person can bear? Can a heart still work, can it still beat, after it’s been bruised?

And then I resolve. I will never do that again. I will never open myself to anyone. I will build my walls so high, no one can come in.  I will close myself off to the world. I will curl up with clenched fists. No one will know. No one will see. I will protect myself from more hurt, from more heartache …

I will never love again.

Yes, I will succeed. Every night I whisper to myself, determined. I vow, the stars are my confidantes … Conceal. Don’t feel …

But then, despite all odds, there’s a glimmer. I’m beginning to feel again. No matter how much I try to squelch this inside me, it never, really, fully gives up. A spark glows within me, outside of my control. Why won’t it go away? I ask myself.

It hits me. Hard. We all need people, don’t we? We were made that way. God designed us to be in fellowship — in community — with one another.

But sometimes it’s hard, isn’t it? When your friend doesn’t love you as much as you love them (or at all)? You open yourself up to someone, and they toss you aside, or hurt you. And the first instinct is to run and hide … from them … from people … from everyone. It just hurts too much, and you want nothing to do with it anymore. People cause pain, so it’s best to stay away from them.

But is that really it?

Think about how much God loves us, and we push Him away. He sent His own Son to die for us, and we ignore Him. God loves us more than we can even fathom what love is, and yet we would rather pursue earthly blessings.

And think about Hosea: God called him to marry a prostitute. She ran away from him three times to go back to her old life, and he still loved her and pursued her and brought her back home.

Why not just accept that we need each other, more desperately than we would ever admit?

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Yes, love hurts.

“It hurts because it matters.” {john green}

the story of my life (rambling)

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Rainy days inspire writerly thoughts.

For the first time in awhile, I’m excited to watch raindrops race each other on car windows and the smell of raw, fresh dirt fill the atmosphere. (What crazy girl drives with the windows rolled down during pouring rain?) ‘Tis the season to wear over-sized sweatshirts and to read old books with scorching-hot cups of tea while I stare outside.

And those seem to be the sort of days I’m writing & blogging more often. We’ll see 🙂

I have been up to nothing and everything all at once. School is great, my classmates are crazy awesome (as always), even if they never cease to remind me of my short stature 😉 This year I have Economics, Chemistry, and Math for the first semester, then Ec. will change into Rhetoric, and I’ll also be taking Aesthetics.

And just because I haven’t been writing on here as much, doesn’t mean I’m not learning anything new, or changing. Because I am, little by little.

Life happens. Sometimes you learn things you just don’t tell people about. Or you learn valuable lessons that you just can’t put into words.

We are all Students, constantly growing in knowledge, whether we like it or not. It could be bad things, or good things — but we can’t escape the fact that we’re always learning.

What have you been learning lately?

~*~

currently replaying:

“Build Your Kingdom Here” by Rend Collective

“We Were Us” by Keith Urban & Miranda Lambert

“Secrets” by One Republic

“You and Me” by Lifehouse

“Chasing the Sun” by Sara Bareilles

“Try” by Colbie Caillat

“You are For Me” by Kari Jobe

currently reading:

My Antonia by Willa Cather — just finished it! One of the most beautiful books ever written. I will be re-reading this one for years to come. What should I read next? Any suggestions? 🙂

How’s life been treating you lately?